Category: Oh Shit!

This is so surreal yet surprising. Who would have known?

A SINGAPOREAN man at the center of a bribery scandal related to a naval helicopter contract pleaded guilty Friday, April 15, to an amended corruption charge that also cleared European aerospace giant EADS.
Eng Heng Chiaw, 46, was sentenced by a subordinate court judge to eight weeks in jail for the offence. Five years is the maximum possible sentence.

The new charge sheet accused Eng of offering S$500,000 to an executive of Singapore’s Defence Science and Technology Agency, Sin Boon Wah, in exchange for information on tender bids in a defence ministry contract for the naval helicopters.

The amended charge dropped any reference to the Europoean Aeronautic Defence and Space Company (EADS), which had consistently denied any association with Eng and links with the bribery.

The new charge said Eng was making the offer “in relation to his principal’s affairs”, without identifying the entity he was prying the information for.

The original charge sheet obtained by AFP on February 23 said Eng had wanted the information “about the price offered by the competitor in a naval helicopter project so that a company, European Aeronautic Defence and Space (EADS) SEA P/L, could price its offer to secure the said project.”

The government contract for six naval helicopters was eventually awarded to Sikorsky Aircraft of the United States.

“We have always maintained that this charge had nothing to do with us. The fact that our name was removed from the charge sheet basically holds this true,” EADS spokesman Moses Wong told AFP.

EADS, which is partly owned by the French government, has suggested the case had been “manipulated” to damage the company’s reputation, without elaborating on who was behind it.

Eng’s lawyer, Shashi Nathan, said his client had acted alone in making the bribery offer.

“It was always in our position that he (Eng) went on a frolic of his own, rather than trying to help a third party,” Nathan told reporters after the sentencing.

Nathan, in his mitigation plea to the court earlier Friday, said Eng had made the offer “out of mischief”, and that his client had no financial backing.

“I urge the court to recognise that this was an empty offer with no value, no consequence,” he said,

Judge Tan Poon Khai said sentencing Eng to imprisonment “sends a strong signal that corruption in any way or form can’t be tolerated.”

• Every time someone mentions their name — even if you have no idea what they are talking about — your ears perk up and you immediately tune out whoever you’re listening to to eavesdrop on that conversation.
• You have, at least once, wrote your name out as it would look if you were married. You were then overwhelmed with shame, and destroyed all evidence.
• Any time you go out with someone else on a date or to a social event, you can’t stop thinking about how much better it would be if you were there with your crush.
• Literally everything they do is attractive, and interested, and makes you like them more. They could probably commit first degree murder and you would forgive them after a few minutes of serious reflection.
• You are constantly tortured with the uncertainty over whether or not they ever think of you, and are pretty certain they are not even aware of your existence.
• You have saved a few choice photos off of their Facebook for… research purposes.
• All of your friends roll their eyes and sigh semi-audibly when they hear that you are bringing up your crush yet again.
• People have begun starting their conversations with you by stating “No, I haven’t seen or spoken to them since we last saw each other,” just to get it out of the way.
• You have managed to discover their old MySpace and Photobucket from highly-focused search engine creeping.
• You start to see every couple in TV, movies, or books as being a thinly-veiled representation of the two of you. Everyone from Romeo and Juliet to Noah and Allie to Lady and The Tramp are versions of yourselves.
• Every song reminds you of them somehow, even songs that have absolutely nothing to do with love or dating.
• You have said their name aloud during masturbation at least once, likely several dozen times. Okay, several dozen. Ish.
• People know not to ask you if you’re seeing anyone because the response is only going to be a deep spiral of depression and longing which ends with taking shots of whipped cream out of the can while crying.
• You alternate between daydreaming about how lovely the world is and how many amazing things could happen to you when you least expect it, and berating yourself over being such a failure in a world that was already ugly and painful to begin with.
• You spend several hours extra getting ready — possibly even buying new clothes — when you know that there is a chance you might see them tonight.
• When you end up not seeing them, you contemplate suicide.
• There is no length you won’t go to to “accidentally” run into them, even taking a route which is nearly an hour out of your way to arrive somewhere at the same time.
• You can’t focus on work, friends, or remembering to eat regularly.
• Your friends have begun keeping you away from situations that involve large quantities of alcohol, because they’re tired of dealing with your tearful monologues when you have a little too much to rink.

Spot on. Nice post, Charlotte Green from TC.

An aside: A new cute theme for rest of the year (I hope!) with atypical allusions to the gluttony in me. It’s a slow day at work today. :