(and it’s kinda true for most of them)
- Pretend to care about people when all they care about are their idealsManipulate people to satisfy their own desiresAre hypocrites on their moral high ground
- Assume they know what’s best for you when they clearly have no idea
- Try to hush everything up and spoil the fun
- Make judgments based on obviously insufficient information and then stick to their decisions with a passionate single mindedness that defies all reasoning!
- Worry over little unimportant details and need to talk endlessly about it when stressed
- Like to figure problems out and solve them but not take much action to execute the solution.
- Go on about how great their system of improvment for your life is. (let it flow right out the other ear) Pretty soon they will get lost in their imaginations again and forget about it. No pressure to actually take up the system.
- Rant when stressed
- Tell you endlessly about their “patheticly miserable life”
- Wall off part of themselves and often don’t let you in, even if you’re trustworthy and know you wouldn’t hurt them
- Won’t forgiven you
- Argue once they’ve made up their minds about something. All you can do is get out of the way.
- Take things very very personally. “Cold-hearted bastard” and “ice queen” are probably apt descriptions if you make them mad, again you might as well just kill yourself now before they get their hands on you and enjoy watching you die.
- Get very unhappy when faced with ambiguity
- Take things too seriously that they know were meant in jest, but since it’s serious to them, well, that’s how they approach it
- Are absolutely never wrong. Don’t even try to tell them anything because they will not listen to you.
- Will slam the door on you. You will never hear from them again, and you won’t even see it coming.
- Totally freak out when their plans go awry, even if the change seems insignificant to everyone else
- Can disclose too much, thus making people think they’re their new BFF when the INFJ doesn’t think so or thinks what they said was too “personal” to them or considered overly friendly
- Say too much once people latch onto them and they suddenly don’t like the attention… well don’t reach out so easily, then!
- Try to perfect themselves
- Think they can be perfect
- Are too critical of themselves, at times, and of others (close to them) who don’t match up to their vision of how they should be (especially after they’ve tried *helping* them to improve themselves, whether asked to or…not)
- Get stuck in their heads Ni-ing their vision and ignoring everyone else
- Get overly emotional on behalf of other’s and thinking of other’s issues, but not really doing so for themselves (bottling it up) until they cave in or burst out… and are utterly embarrassed or ashamed that they couldn’t control themselves
- Try to do too much or with too many people, cave in due to stress or irritation and then cave away for weeks or months and people have no clue where the hell they went or why because they aren’t informed
- Don’t allow other people to do things for them out of kindness without feeling a bit bad about it or embarrassed (that BS modesty mindset) and expect others to allow THEM to do things because it’s okay if THEY do it
- Take forever to do some things because they keep editing or working it over until it’s just “right”
- Start a project and get it up to a point but then start another one and another…thinking they can finish it all eventually
- Are pack rats, hiding things away for “The Future”
- Look mean when they aren’t, or are just thinking deeply, so they confuse people who are afraid to approach them… Can’t they look dreamy and nice like an INFP?
- Are sympathetic until the person actually requires some of the INFJs “social time”… INFJ runs in the other direction
- Prone to follow boring superficial rules of politeness when interacting with other people (must be the Fe)… this is why most people get blind-sided later when the “crazy” comes out
- Are trapped in a dream world
- Enjoy too many solitary activities that keep them from forming “real” relationships
- Never return phone calls (don’t want to be bothered with people…only care about people in “theory”)
- Are obsessed with perfection… must be some OCD-thing or fixation on personal growth… causes alot of unnecessary stress
- Build elaborate walls to keep people at arms length
- Are sassy (but those comments usually stay inside the head because it wouldn’t be polite… unless provoked)
- Sink into sadness when understimulated
- Get moody when adapting weird eating and sleeping habits
- Start too many projects and have a ferret-like attention span towards anything that’s not entertaining
- Get extremely moody when some “injustice” has been done unto them. Yet they will sometimes not look twice when an injustice has been done to someone else or they will “feel bad,” but not do anything about it
- Get moody but not do anything for themselves to rectify the situation
- Easily frustrated when plans go awry.
- Feel compelled to pursue perfectionism, at the expense of enjoying the moment.
- Make unreasonable demands themselves, and assume others do the same
- Emote all over the place in senseless ranting when they feel they’re losing control of stuff they should have in hand
- Can’t stay detached and work hard at the same time
- Take too much on, as though they can arrange their own life exactly as they dream it up.
- take things personally
- Get clingy at times
- Tend to imagine the worst possible outcomes and brood over them
- Are extremely intolerant. It’s mostly black and white and once they’ve decided, that’s it
- Internalize people’s behaviour and take things far too personally
- Become highly irrational in arguments they feel passionately about. Consequently they look foolish and loose the argument for all the wrong reasons
- Can never justify their intuition. This extends to immediately disliking people for reasons you’ll never fathom. Can’t get their head around the idea of rapport – you don’t have to take a shine to someone to lower yourself to speaking to them
- When stressed, become mere blubbering blobs of jelly. Doubtful whether they can deal with extreme pressure and capitulate quickly in scenarios NTs would simply find amusing or challenging… funerals, redundancies, illness!
- Have awkward silences in social situations until they try to break ice with something absurdedly high minded or deep (because they can think of nothing else)
- Fight tooth and nail for things they believe in with rational arguments albeit supported mostly by generalisations with a touch of naivete – conflicts are rare though
- Are often the fence sitter and indecisive when it comes to everyday things; matters that matter are a totally different story
- Sometimes aloof and seemingly distant; can go for extended periods of solitude (which is a good thing) until loneliness sets in (it happens eventually) and then extended periods of brooding
- Go on the whole “crusade” thing. This gets old…real fast
- Think they know everything (when they don’t) and come off as real snots/idiots
- Are overly sensitive wankers
- Are contradictory in their beliefs
- Can sit and rant for 3hrs+ and then actually expect you to listen without getting bored and or falling asleep when usually what they’re ranting about is stupid to begin with
- Ridiculously stubborn to the point where it’s almost childish
- Hold grudges for long periods of time
- Not worth getting to know (they actually PRIDE themselves on being difficult to understand!!!)
- Think about all the possibilities of a situation, all the what-ifs. Then freak out over a theoretical situation when it hasn’t even happened yet and probably won’t
- Intimacy issues and . I have trouble trusting people and getting close to them until they’ve been around me for a while. Most people don’t spend enough time in my life for me to start to see them as a real person.
- High standards. I may be sad and lonely, but at least I’m not desperate. I want to date someone who’s kind, attractive, andbrilliant. Anything less than this would disappoint me.
- Self-esteem issues. I want to be the perfect boyfriend. I want to be stable and reliable. I want to be a good provider, a pillar of strength, who gives things out instead of taking them. I’m none of these things, and it bothers me. I don’t likely doing anything halfway. I can get jealous when people are successful. I constantly feel like I’m unattractive and I’m not living up to my potential.
- Social incompetence. I’m not the most socially intuitive person. I focus on details instead of seeing the big picture. That is, I try to beright sometimes when I should just be there. Moreover, I want to be loyal, but I’m constantly moving through a world of mixed signals, or at least signals that are below my threshold of sensitivity. I’m not certain what it means when people want to hang out with me. As a result, I’m not sure what my obligations are at any particular moment. When I give mixed signals, it’s because I’m sensing mixed signals, and rather than shut down altogether, or risk humiliating myself by asking, I just try to split the difference and put off actually figuring it all out until later.
- Obliviousness and distractability. Want someone to focus just on you and cater to you like you’re the center of the universe? That’s not me. No matter how good things gets, I’m always thinking about something else. The ceiling could fall in right next to me, and I wouldn’t notice because I’d be too busy staring off into space, thinking about something else (verb conjugation or noun categories of a language spoken deep in a jungle somewhere, probably). Unlike most people, it takes me a lot of effort not to concentrate on something, but what I’m concentrating on is rarely what I’m actually supposed to be focused on.
- Awkward romance. What’s worse than not being romantic? Trying to be romantic and being bad at it. Approaching every date like that episode of Community where Abed tries to recreate My Dinner with Andre. Think back to the last romcom you watched and just think how badly things could have gone if someone had completely misread the situation. Imagine wanting very badly to fall in love and feel passionately about something and being utterly incompetent at it. How do those people in the movies do it? How do they seem to read each other’s minds? I don’t know. I’ve discovered it’s pointless to try to apply the narrative structure of a romantic comedy to real life.
- Poverty and lack of ambition. I’m the furthest thing from a yuppie. I don’t make a lot of money. I’ve never in my life made enough money to file for taxes. I sort of bum around. Most of what I’ve done have been non-jobs, just sort of dipping my toe into the economy on the gig-side. Although I’m nearly thirty, right now I’m teaching English overseas for the second time, a stereotypical gap year career move if ever there was one. If you have a plan for your life, I probably don’t fit on it. If you want long term earning potential, something to pay the mortgage on your cottage in the countryside and food and clothes for your two and a half children, or support you in the lifestyle to which you’re accustomed, tipping baristas $25 a pop, or even just paying the cover charge at that trendy club located down an alley in some famous city where the fog and the sky scrapers conspire to hide the sun from you, don’t be fooled. It’s not me.
- Effeteness. In general I’m not very manly. I don’t watch sports or drink beer or pick up women in bars. I brag, sometimes. Not very convincingly and not often, but sometimes. Although I can reach things on the top shelf and open pickle jars, I’m bad at lifting heavy objects and anything relating to cars. I don’t play as female characters online or anything, but I do regularly watch, read, and otherwise consume media with female protagonists.
- Melancholy. A lot of what’s wrong with me could be forgiven if I were vivacious and uplifting. But I’m not. I’m not the sort of person you want around you to cheer you up. I can be charming. I can be funny, when I need to. But it’s draining. It’s not that I’m an introvert who’s drained by being around people in general. I’m drained by trying to do anything. As they said in Office Space, It’s not that I’m lazy. It’s that I just don’t care. Most of the time it’s pretty dark in the mind, and the stuff that other people find so inspiring or meaningful, especially the New Age-y stuff like the Secret or Sagan’s Pale Blue Dot, just bore me.
- Incorrigibility. I don’t take criticism well, and I don’t easily learn from my mistakes. I have to make a mistake at least twice before I learn from it, and trying to steer me from my course can be like talking to a brick wall. It’s not that I’m that stubborn or that convinced of my own righteousness. I’m just that cut off. I hear people, but I don’t understand, or I analyze what they say on a shallow level without taking any lessons from it.
Today is my daughter’s birthday. Yes you heard me. I’m not kidding you. I am a Singapore citizen, 25 years of age, an SMU graduate from the class of 2013… and I made a baby. Exactly 6 years ago, Little J came into the world. Boy, it has been the craziest 6 years of my life.
Back in my school days, I made a costly mistake. Without intending to, I made a senior girl pregnant. At that time, Big J had already graduated and was waiting for university while I was still in school. Big J and I were both hot-blooded teenagers, fascinated with each other’s bodies and without a care for the world. When the news came, our worlds turned upside down. Our relationship even turned sour, and there was a lot of blaming each other and hard feelings.
I started out being unable to accept the truth, being angry with the whole world and blaming every one for my misery. However, I still had to do something about the baby. So, the arrangement was that Big J’s family, being extremely wealthy and generous, would hire caretakers to take care of Little J until after my NS. Then, I would officially take over and be responsible to bring her up and provide for her. Unwilling as I was, I did not wish to let a child be denied of care from a biological parents. I know that kind of pain because my father left my family.
The kid was a constant reminder of my mistake, each time I set my eyes upon her. During my university days, taking care of her was crazy. Caring for a child is extremely effortful meticulous work that requires a hell lot of time and attention. I had to learn all the nitty gritty things parents identify with, often getting my hands busy and dirty. I was often impatient with her for “learning too slowly” or “causing trouble for nothing”, but it was not her fault. I had spells of bad temper and was always irritable. It was difficult. I studied at SMU while I worked part time in town because I received little support from a family that is financially tight. Having a babysitter helps a lot but it’s far from enough for a child’s needs, and not to mention it’s expensive. The rest of my time and space was pretty much devoted to Little J. You just can’t go away from a child for too long, a parent’s absence severely affects her growth and well-being. I had to give up a lot of the stuff you guys do – freshmen camps, CCAs, OCSPs, hanging out with friends, partying etcetera. It felt painful to be punished as an adult for one dumb mistake you made when you were a teenager… and live with that punishment forever.
However, there came some turning points and defining moments. Thank God for these things, otherwise I would be the worst person on Earth. Those were times I realized the joy of being a father, discovered my soft side with her help, and grew to love her more and more:
1) When she learnt her first words after blabbering baby talk for so long.
2) When she called me “papa”
3) When she could finally finish a conversation with me
4) When she learnt how to stand up and walk on her own
5) When she injured herself and ran into my arms for comfort
6) When she was awarded the most outstanding student in pre-school
7) When she showed great character and stuck by her little friend who was being laughed at and bullied
8) When she wrote me an essay about her family and I was the “hero” in the story
9) When she caught a rare breed of flu and spent a week in hospital, making me the most anxious person I’ve ever been
10) When she folded a paper heart for me, as a Fathers’ Day gift.
11) When she was happy, bouncing around and just being herself
12) When she waited at the door, waiting for me to come home to tell me something
And with that, Little J helped me change to become more patient, tender-loving, thoughtful, down to earth and responsible.
Time flies. I can’t believe Little J will enroll in primary school real soon. Today, I am a proud father of a lovely girl who loves to help others and go to church. I also very unbelievably secured a well-paying job (too good for someone with sub 3 GPA) that could give me a lot of financial assurance and allow me to do what I love. Even better, Little J will have both her biological parents because Big J and I are now engaged. I don’t know exactly how it happened, but somehow we only fell in love after the birth of Little J. Oh by the way, she graduated from SMU too. Hey man, I honestly feel like the luckiest man on Earth.
What I have got to say to you who are reading this? If you screw up, no doubt you have to bear the consequences. But it is not the end of the world. Be responsible and learn from mistakes. You never know where it brings you, or who you become. To those who are sad with low GPAs, or feel that life is really tough on you, or face the situation with a child made by accident, I hope my story encourages you. Fight on, rock on, you guys can do it if I can do it. God bless you.
Your SMU Senior
I’m waiting for the one decision that will potentially make or break the person I am today.
It’s God’s will.
“Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together,but do so with all your heart.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
The Quiet World
In an effort to get people to look
into each other’s eyes more,
and also to appease the mutes,
the government has decided
to allot each person exactly one hundred
and sixty-seven words, per day.
When the phone rings, I put it to my ear
without saying hello. In the restaurant
I point at chicken noodle soup.
I am adjusting well to the new way.
Late at night, I call my long distance lover,
proudly say I only used fifty-nine today.
I saved the rest for you.
When she doesn’t respond,
I know she’s used up all her words,
so I slowly whisper I love you
thirty-two and a third times.
After that, we just sit on the line
and listen to each other breathe.
What a poignant, surreal, trenchant poem! I shall append some music to this post! Irony 😛
Of potato fries and sour cream sauce,
of over-sized aviator sunglasses,
of electrostatic charges whilst walking,
of pique-nique and marmalade toast,
of Canele macarons and tea,
of bi-curiosity and fwb’s, and
of a special friend.
Looking back at the first 3 months of year, I can’t help but feel that this period counts as one of the most challenging and contemplative. I was way down in the dumps in January, felt better but still pained in February and miraculously, so very happy in mid-March. It was a time where I really struggled with my emotions and read stuff like this. I never thought I would need this so much, as well as some words of comfort from friends. It was a time when I cried more than what I ever had in the past few years. And I’m still doing so, unbelievably, typing these few sentences. I need a warm embrace.
Let’s get this over and done with.
I can’t help but talk about money first cos it’s the easiest thing to check off. I guess the least I can say is that things are looking not too shabby in terms of finances though there is a need to rein in my spending even further. Last year saw me impulsively buying an iPad, lots of stuff from Amazon and online stores and other junk now collecting dust in my cupboard.
As for monetary inflow, it is the same I guess. No more army pay but drawing internship allowance which is slightly better. I also offloaded 1000 shares of IHH at 1.39 (now 1.405) and 1000 shares of AscendasHT at 0.92 (now 1.o3) while buying 3000 shares of MapletreeGCC at 0.93 (now 1.04) in their IPO.
Forex trading activity was zilch but I am looking to trade actively again.
This was supposed to be titled Career but that was too narrow. Future is so broad. Ahh well. I ORDed in March and am now working at CSIT doing security vulnerabilities research on web applications. I managed to tamper to a certain extent one of the largest e-commerce sites in Singapore. I am currently dabbling in quite serious stuff here, so I shall tread lightly.
End March was a week of disappointment and regret. Disappointment after being rejected by so many colleges; regret for not applying to the easier schools. And to think there are still people who are tearing their hairs out over which school to eventually go to. It’s nice to know that my path is set in stone so easily. Somehow.
’nuff said. I’m trying my best. Just don’t say my best isn’t enough.
I wish I could be more definite about the way I feel about her. It is this strange DMZ between lover and friend. I don’t regard her as a potential girlfriend/partner/wife, but at the same time I sometimes regard my want to just spend time with her, seeing her smile and hearing her chirpy voice as something other than platonic.
And it is terribly, terribly confusing.
I really need a heart-to-heart talk with her – something that I had chosen to chuck in the drawer during our past 2 dates for fear of hurting myself again. Stay close, don’t go.
I think the next few months would be quite remarkable as I get my mind off love and on to serious, quite fun projects that I hope will be successful. And make my mark on the world woot!