I struggle with perception
I can’t tell what’s false and what’s true
But then again I’ve never had a clue
All along you were just a conception
Someone I created
Someone I needed
To prove myself to
Something I could never do
Sometimes you had the face of others
Of my sisters and brothers
Of my fathers and mothers

At first you were my guide
Teaching me things about myself I never knew
I became less scared and didn’t hide
But as I grew, so did you
Eventually I stopped and you didn’t
And you could do what I couldn’t
You pushed on and I fell behind
Never feeling like I was enough
I couldn’t be that tough
At least not in my mind

But then again I struggle
Struggle with perception
Perception of reality


Differences between INFJ’s and INFP’s

These are gross generalizations, but are some of the trends that I’ve observed. For the INFPs, I don’t know for sure because I’m not inside their heads, but this is how it looks to me:

INFJs are more likely to care about getting their message out or have an agenda for where they want a conversation to go or what they have to say. INFPs are more open to listening first without processing it all right away.

INFJs have an internal structure for measuring everything against. INFPs are have very passionately held feelings about some things, but are less likely to have strong feelings immediately about whether something is good or bad.

INFJs need several go arounds before conflict is completely resolved. Kind of like having a bunch of junk that needs to have places found for it. Nearly always there are a couple of stray items that are found later. INFPs are likely to take a final stance on something and expect it to be done with.

INFJs tend to be more directive when giving instructions while INFPs tend to describe the situation and expect the hearer will infer what needs to be done.

INFJs are more likely to try to influence other’s behaviour, particularly if they care about them and it is destructive. INFPs are more likely to let them learn for themselves and not want to influence the process as much.

INFJs are curious to know how people work and ask questions to flesh out their understanding of a person so they can better prepare for how to deal with them. INFPs tend to take things in as they come without trying to direct the interaction or plug the new details into a preexisting structure in their minds. They are more likely to filter things through the lens of their own personal experiences.

INFPs have strongly held views, but they are based on a personal criteria more than one decided by external factors. Therefore they can be quite unconventional, compared to INFJs.

INFPs have a goofier and very imaginative sense of humour and are more likely to have more gears in between serious and joking modes of communication.

INFPs are often less practical in every day matters and sometimes have a tendancy to avoid dealing with problems. INFJs do that when they are overwhelmed by details, but generally like to face problems more directly.

INFPs are less emotive and appear dispassionate compared to INFJs. However, they are much more passionate under the surface in some regards. INFJs are more emotive, and given the right circumstances passionate express it. While they have layers, they are likely to want someone to understand everything about them inside out. INFPs seem to like some privacy and operate more internally. INFJs need to discuss things with people to organize them in their own minds, while INFPs take in information but do not need people’s input the same way to decide how they feel about something.

Not always, but INFPs tend to be the stereotypical emo kids at school who also like anime. INFJs would be the ones who are friends with a variety of fringe groups, but are not part of them themselves. They’re more anthropologists.

There’s a bunch of others, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

INFJ Life Love

INFJ and Proud of It


(and it’s kinda true for most of them)

  • Pretend to care about people when all they care about are their ideals
  • Manipulate people to satisfy their own desires
  • Are hypocrites on their moral high ground
  • Assume they know what’s best for you when they clearly have no idea
  • Try to hush everything up and spoil the fun
  • Make judgments based on obviously insufficient information and then stick to their decisions with a passionate single mindedness that defies all reasoning!
  • Worry over little unimportant details and need to talk endlessly about it when stressed
  • Like to figure problems out and solve them but not take much action to execute the solution.
  • Go on about how great their system of improvment for your life is.  (let it flow right out the other ear)  Pretty soon they will get lost in their imaginations again and forget about it.  No pressure to actually take up the system.
  • Rant when stressed
  • Tell you endlessly about their “patheticly miserable life”
  • Wall off part of themselves and often don’t let you in, even if you’re trustworthy and know you wouldn’t hurt them
  • Won’t forgiven you
  • Argue once they’ve made up their minds about something.  All you can do is get out of the way.
  • Take things very very personally.  “Cold-hearted bastard” and “ice queen” are probably apt descriptions if you make them mad, again you might as well just kill yourself now before they get their hands on you and enjoy watching you die.
  • Get very unhappy when faced with ambiguity
  • Take things too seriously that they know were meant in jest, but since it’s serious to them, well, that’s how they approach it
  • Are absolutely never wrong.  Don’t even try to tell them anything because they will not listen to you.
  • Will slam the door on you. You will never hear from them again, and you won’t even see it coming.
  • Totally freak out when their plans go awry, even if the change seems insignificant to everyone else
  • Can disclose too much, thus making people think they’re their new BFF when the INFJ doesn’t think so or thinks what they said was too “personal” to them or considered overly friendly
  • Say too much once people latch onto them and they suddenly don’t like the attention… well don’t reach out so easily, then!
  • Try to perfect themselves
  • Think they can be perfect
  • Are too critical of themselves, at times, and of others (close to them) who don’t match up to their vision of how they should be (especially after they’ve tried *helping* them to improve themselves, whether asked to or…not)
  • Get stuck in their heads Ni-ing their vision and ignoring everyone else
  • Get overly emotional on behalf of other’s and thinking of other’s issues, but not really doing so for themselves (bottling it up) until they cave in or burst out… and are utterly embarrassed or ashamed that they couldn’t control themselves
  • Try to do too much or with too many people, cave in due to stress or irritation and then cave away for weeks or months and people have no clue where the hell they went or why because they aren’t informed
  • Don’t allow other people to do things for them out of kindness without feeling a bit bad about it or embarrassed (that BS modesty mindset) and expect others to allow THEM to do things because it’s okay if THEY do it
  • Take forever to do some things because they keep editing or working it over until it’s just “right”
  • Start a project and get it up to a point but then start another one and another…thinking they can finish it all eventually
  • Are pack rats, hiding things away for “The Future”
  • Look mean when they aren’t, or are just thinking deeply, so they confuse people who are afraid to approach them… Can’t they look dreamy and nice like an INFP?
  • Moody
  • Temperamental
  • Loners
  • Are sympathetic until the person actually requires some of the INFJs “social time”… INFJ runs in the other direction
  • Suspicious
  • Prone to follow boring superficial rules of politeness when interacting with other people (must be the Fe)… this is why most people get blind-sided later when the “crazy” comes out
  • Are trapped in a dream world
  • Enjoy too many solitary activities that keep them from forming “real” relationships
  • Never return phone calls (don’t want to be bothered with people…only care about people in “theory”)
  • Semi-emo
  • Are obsessed with perfection… must be some OCD-thing or fixation on personal growth… causes alot of unnecessary stress
  • Build elaborate walls to keep people at arms length
  • Are sassy (but those comments usually stay inside the head because it wouldn’t be polite… unless provoked)
  • Sink into sadness when understimulated
  • Get moody when adapting weird eating and sleeping habits
  • Start too many projects and have a ferret-like attention span towards anything that’s not entertaining
  • Get extremely moody when some “injustice” has been done unto them. Yet they will sometimes not look twice when an injustice has been done to someone else or they will “feel bad,” but not do anything about it
  • Get moody but not do anything for themselves to rectify the situation
  • Easily frustrated when plans go awry.
  • Feel compelled to pursue perfectionism, at the expense of enjoying the moment.
  • Make unreasonable demands themselves, and assume others do the same
  • Emote all over the place in senseless ranting when they feel they’re losing control of stuff they should have in hand
  • Can’t stay detached and work hard at the same time
  • Take too much on, as though they can arrange their own life exactly as they dream it up.
  • take things personally
  • Get clingy at times
  • Tend to imagine the worst possible outcomes and brood over them
  • Are extremely intolerant. It’s mostly black and white and once they’ve decided, that’s it
  • Internalize people’s behaviour and take things far too personally
  • Become highly irrational in arguments they feel passionately about. Consequently they look foolish and loose the argument for all the wrong reasons
  • Can never justify their intuition. This extends to immediately disliking people for reasons you’ll never fathom.  Can’t get their head around the idea of rapport – you don’t have to take a shine to someone to lower yourself to speaking to them
  • When stressed, become mere blubbering blobs of jelly.  Doubtful whether they can deal with extreme pressure and capitulate quickly in scenarios NTs would simply find amusing or challenging… funerals, redundancies, illness!
  • Have awkward silences in social situations until they try to break ice with something absurdedly high minded or deep (because they can think of nothing else)
  • Fight tooth and nail for things they believe in with rational arguments albeit supported mostly by generalisations with a touch of naivete – conflicts are rare though
  • Are often the fence sitter and indecisive when it comes to everyday things; matters that matter are a totally different story
  • Sometimes aloof and seemingly distant; can go for extended periods of solitude (which is a good thing) until loneliness sets in (it happens eventually) and then extended periods of brooding
  • Go on the whole “crusade” thing.  This gets old…real fast
  • Think they know everything (when they don’t) and come off as real snots/idiots
  • Are overly sensitive wankers
  • Are contradictory in their beliefs
  • Can sit and rant for 3hrs+ and then actually expect you to listen without getting bored and or falling asleep when usually what they’re ranting about is stupid to begin with
  • Ridiculously stubborn to the point where it’s almost childish
  • Hold grudges for long periods of time
  • Not worth getting to know (they actually PRIDE themselves on being difficult to understand!!!)
  • Think about all the possibilities of a situation, all the what-ifs.  Then freak out over a theoretical situation when it hasn’t even happened yet and probably won’t