Category Archives: INFJ

Differences between INFJ’s and INFP’s

These are gross generalizations, but are some of the trends that I’ve observed. For the INFPs, I don’t know for sure because I’m not inside their heads, but this is how it looks to me:

INFJs are more likely to care about getting their message out or have an agenda for where they want a conversation to go or what they have to say. INFPs are more open to listening first without processing it all right away.

INFJs have an internal structure for measuring everything against. INFPs are have very passionately held feelings about some things, but are less likely to have strong feelings immediately about whether something is good or bad.

INFJs need several go arounds before conflict is completely resolved. Kind of like having a bunch of junk that needs to have places found for it. Nearly always there are a couple of stray items that are found later. INFPs are likely to take a final stance on something and expect it to be done with.

INFJs tend to be more directive when giving instructions while INFPs tend to describe the situation and expect the hearer will infer what needs to be done.

INFJs are more likely to try to influence other’s behaviour, particularly if they care about them and it is destructive. INFPs are more likely to let them learn for themselves and not want to influence the process as much.

INFJs are curious to know how people work and ask questions to flesh out their understanding of a person so they can better prepare for how to deal with them. INFPs tend to take things in as they come without trying to direct the interaction or plug the new details into a preexisting structure in their minds. They are more likely to filter things through the lens of their own personal experiences.

INFPs have strongly held views, but they are based on a personal criteria more than one decided by external factors. Therefore they can be quite unconventional, compared to INFJs.

INFPs have a goofier and very imaginative sense of humour and are more likely to have more gears in between serious and joking modes of communication.

INFPs are often less practical in every day matters and sometimes have a tendancy to avoid dealing with problems. INFJs do that when they are overwhelmed by details, but generally like to face problems more directly.

INFPs are less emotive and appear dispassionate compared to INFJs. However, they are much more passionate under the surface in some regards. INFJs are more emotive, and given the right circumstances passionate express it. While they have layers, they are likely to want someone to understand everything about them inside out. INFPs seem to like some privacy and operate more internally. INFJs need to discuss things with people to organize them in their own minds, while INFPs take in information but do not need people’s input the same way to decide how they feel about something.

Not always, but INFPs tend to be the stereotypical emo kids at school who also like anime. INFJs would be the ones who are friends with a variety of fringe groups, but are not part of them themselves. They’re more anthropologists.

There’s a bunch of others, but these are the ones that come to mind right now.

INFJ and Proud of It

INFJs…

(and it’s kinda true for most of them)

  • Pretend to care about people when all they care about are their idealsManipulate people to satisfy their own desiresAre hypocrites on their moral high ground
  • Assume they know what’s best for you when they clearly have no idea
  • Try to hush everything up and spoil the fun
  • Make judgments based on obviously insufficient information and then stick to their decisions with a passionate single mindedness that defies all reasoning!
  • Worry over little unimportant details and need to talk endlessly about it when stressed
  • Like to figure problems out and solve them but not take much action to execute the solution.
  • Go on about how great their system of improvment for your life is.  (let it flow right out the other ear)  Pretty soon they will get lost in their imaginations again and forget about it.  No pressure to actually take up the system.
  • Rant when stressed
  • Tell you endlessly about their “patheticly miserable life”
  • Wall off part of themselves and often don’t let you in, even if you’re trustworthy and know you wouldn’t hurt them
  • Won’t forgiven you
  • Argue once they’ve made up their minds about something.  All you can do is get out of the way.
  • Take things very very personally.  “Cold-hearted bastard” and “ice queen” are probably apt descriptions if you make them mad, again you might as well just kill yourself now before they get their hands on you and enjoy watching you die.
  • Get very unhappy when faced with ambiguity
  • Take things too seriously that they know were meant in jest, but since it’s serious to them, well, that’s how they approach it
  • Are absolutely never wrong.  Don’t even try to tell them anything because they will not listen to you.
  • Will slam the door on you. You will never hear from them again, and you won’t even see it coming.
  • Totally freak out when their plans go awry, even if the change seems insignificant to everyone else
  • Can disclose too much, thus making people think they’re their new BFF when the INFJ doesn’t think so or thinks what they said was too “personal” to them or considered overly friendly
  • Say too much once people latch onto them and they suddenly don’t like the attention… well don’t reach out so easily, then!
  • Try to perfect themselves
  • Think they can be perfect
  • Are too critical of themselves, at times, and of others (close to them) who don’t match up to their vision of how they should be (especially after they’ve tried *helping* them to improve themselves, whether asked to or…not)
  • Get stuck in their heads Ni-ing their vision and ignoring everyone else
  • Get overly emotional on behalf of other’s and thinking of other’s issues, but not really doing so for themselves (bottling it up) until they cave in or burst out… and are utterly embarrassed or ashamed that they couldn’t control themselves
  • Try to do too much or with too many people, cave in due to stress or irritation and then cave away for weeks or months and people have no clue where the hell they went or why because they aren’t informed
  • Don’t allow other people to do things for them out of kindness without feeling a bit bad about it or embarrassed (that BS modesty mindset) and expect others to allow THEM to do things because it’s okay if THEY do it
  • Take forever to do some things because they keep editing or working it over until it’s just “right”
  • Start a project and get it up to a point but then start another one and another…thinking they can finish it all eventually
  • Are pack rats, hiding things away for “The Future”
  • Look mean when they aren’t, or are just thinking deeply, so they confuse people who are afraid to approach them… Can’t they look dreamy and nice like an INFP?
  • Moody
  • Temperamental
  • Loners
  • Are sympathetic until the person actually requires some of the INFJs “social time”… INFJ runs in the other direction
  • Suspicious
  • Prone to follow boring superficial rules of politeness when interacting with other people (must be the Fe)… this is why most people get blind-sided later when the “crazy” comes out
  • Are trapped in a dream world
  • Enjoy too many solitary activities that keep them from forming “real” relationships
  • Never return phone calls (don’t want to be bothered with people…only care about people in “theory”)
  • Semi-emo
  • Are obsessed with perfection… must be some OCD-thing or fixation on personal growth… causes alot of unnecessary stress
  • Build elaborate walls to keep people at arms length
  • Are sassy (but those comments usually stay inside the head because it wouldn’t be polite… unless provoked)
  • Sink into sadness when understimulated
  • Get moody when adapting weird eating and sleeping habits
  • Start too many projects and have a ferret-like attention span towards anything that’s not entertaining
  • Get extremely moody when some “injustice” has been done unto them. Yet they will sometimes not look twice when an injustice has been done to someone else or they will “feel bad,” but not do anything about it
  • Get moody but not do anything for themselves to rectify the situation
  • Easily frustrated when plans go awry.
  • Feel compelled to pursue perfectionism, at the expense of enjoying the moment.
  • Make unreasonable demands themselves, and assume others do the same
  • Emote all over the place in senseless ranting when they feel they’re losing control of stuff they should have in hand
  • Can’t stay detached and work hard at the same time
  • Take too much on, as though they can arrange their own life exactly as they dream it up.
  • take things personally
  • Get clingy at times
  • Tend to imagine the worst possible outcomes and brood over them
  • Are extremely intolerant. It’s mostly black and white and once they’ve decided, that’s it
  • Internalize people’s behaviour and take things far too personally
  • Become highly irrational in arguments they feel passionately about. Consequently they look foolish and loose the argument for all the wrong reasons
  • Can never justify their intuition. This extends to immediately disliking people for reasons you’ll never fathom.  Can’t get their head around the idea of rapport – you don’t have to take a shine to someone to lower yourself to speaking to them
  • When stressed, become mere blubbering blobs of jelly.  Doubtful whether they can deal with extreme pressure and capitulate quickly in scenarios NTs would simply find amusing or challenging… funerals, redundancies, illness!
  • Have awkward silences in social situations until they try to break ice with something absurdedly high minded or deep (because they can think of nothing else)
  • Fight tooth and nail for things they believe in with rational arguments albeit supported mostly by generalisations with a touch of naivete – conflicts are rare though
  • Are often the fence sitter and indecisive when it comes to everyday things; matters that matter are a totally different story
  • Sometimes aloof and seemingly distant; can go for extended periods of solitude (which is a good thing) until loneliness sets in (it happens eventually) and then extended periods of brooding
  • Go on the whole “crusade” thing.  This gets old…real fast
  • Think they know everything (when they don’t) and come off as real snots/idiots
  • Are overly sensitive wankers
  • Are contradictory in their beliefs
  • Can sit and rant for 3hrs+ and then actually expect you to listen without getting bored and or falling asleep when usually what they’re ranting about is stupid to begin with
  • Ridiculously stubborn to the point where it’s almost childish
  • Hold grudges for long periods of time
  • Not worth getting to know (they actually PRIDE themselves on being difficult to understand!!!)
  • Think about all the possibilities of a situation, all the what-ifs.  Then freak out over a theoretical situation when it hasn’t even happened yet and probably won’t

Some INFJ Thoughts

Inspiring others, helping them find their purpose or meaning, being a different kind of leader from what’s traditional-that’s really gratifying. I just do that naturally. The challenge is opening up people’s minds to have their own original thoughts. I’m a listener and guide.

I think I am a mystery to people. They never really understand me and part of me enjoys that. More often though, I long to be understood.

I tend to approach my day with a structured way of getting things accomplished. People see me as organized, thorough, and easy to get along with, pulling my own weight and eager to help out when called upon. But I’m not as outgoing or as critical as I may sometimes appear. I need a balance between people contact and working on creative projects and will break away from interactions when I get tired out. If I don’t have some long-term goals, then what’s the point?

I tend to intuitively read people very quickly, but I have to be cautious not to make assumptions. I’m an observer. I get a feeling when people are interesting, and I watch from a distance, make some assessments about the situation, and then approach them and engage in conversation. I put a little bit out and a little more and see how that goes. Do I trust and like them, are they who they say? I have a few deep friendships. A friendship comes best when it is worked to develop that investment. I quickly pick up on sincerity and withdraw if the person is superficial or obviously doesn’t care. When I see people who abuse their power or won’t stand behind what they say, that ticks me off. It’s about integrity. I feel other people’s feelings, and taking on that burden can make me too intense and serious, where I can’t be spontaneous and fun loving…

Everything revolves around growth. Caring is about the ability to help others grow. What I bring is caring about people, not things. If we spent more time trying to understand each other’s point of view, to communicate more effectively, we would grow. In an honest, open, sincere relationship, I can accomplish anything. My challenge is to create those kinds of relationships. I respect most the person who is willing to come forth and be an individual-to make the world a better place, or make a difference in a person’s life, where we reach each other’s hearts.

My Attachment Style

Today I did the Attachment Styles and Close Relationships quiz at http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl and read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Attachment_disorder

I find that I have a tendency to withdraw from relationships, to serve the people in my life to the point of exhaustion (lots of give and no take), and there comes a point where my trust is betrayed by someone close to me and I immediately respond by fleeing from everyone I care about. Coming out of that isolation is hard because I’m always left with the sense that I’ve failed my loved ones, that I’ve caused them to worry and don’t deserve them, etc. Or just the fact that they’ve forgotten about me, or seem to have, anyway.

This questionnaire is designed to measure your attachment style–the way you relate to others in the context of intimate relationships. As you might suspect, people differ greatly in the ways in which they approach close relationships. For example, some people are comfortable opening up to others emotionally, whereas others are reluctant to allow themselves to depend on others.

According to attachment theory and research, there are two fundamental ways in which people differ from one another in the way they think about relationships. First, some people are more anxious than others. People who are high in attachment-related anxiety tend to worry about whether their partners really love them and often fear rejection. People low on this dimension are much less worried about such matters. Second, some people are more avoidant than others. People who are high in attachment-related avoidance are less comfortable depending on others and opening up to others.

According to your questionnaire responses, your attachment-related anxiety score is 6.00, on a scale ranging from 1 (low anxiety) to 7 (high anxiety). Your attachment-related avoidance score is 2.33, on a scale ranging from 1 (low avoidance) to 7 (high avoidance).

As you can see in this graph, the two dimensions of anxiety and avoidance can be combined to create interesting combinations of attachment styles. For example people who are low in both attachment-related anxiety and avoidance are generally considered secure because they don’t typically worry about whether their partner’s are going to reject them and they are comfortable being emotionally close to others.
Combining your anxiety and avoidance scores, you fall into the preoccupied quadrant. Previous research on attachment styles indicates that preoccupied people tend to have highly conflictual relationships. Although they are comfortable expressing their emotions, preoccupied individuals often experience a lot of negative emotions, which can often interfere with their relationships.

Since the mid-1980’s, a lot of research has been conducted on attachment styles. To learn more about this research, please visit this link. Thank you again for visiting this site.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hurt ):

Perhaps talking about bi-curiosity might be pushing the boundaries of comfortable conversational topics. But what hurts the most is that she is accusing me of ‘taking advantage of her ignorance’. Like seriously, she thinks Fun Run is a sex game or something?

Chins up, Brian. Some people are just not worth your time and energy (:


Hurt Again

 

On another note, the haze just hit 401 just as we wrapping up our rehearsal for the Talent Showcase. The view from The Plaza on Beach Road at 11.15am on June 21, 2013.

theplaza062113

An OKCupid Date

Boy, am I really bad at this.

So it was April Fools’ and I received a bland message on OKCupid that is Hello (: After reading her profile, I thought that we might click and promptly forgave her so not well-thought-out message. I guess you can say she got me at Hello.

Long story short, we met at 7,30 at CWP Macs with me acting like a total dork, blaming the bright spotlight above me for my inability to carry a conversation. LOL. After some incoherent gestures, I sort of calmed down but was still jittery and loathe to open up. Worse, a miscom meant that we were supposed to catch the 7,40 movie instead of the 9,40 one but I was late. I really spent 25 min gulfing down my food, bathing and changing. Sucks ttm and bad impression. :

The headache part is the 1.5 hours waiting time while waiting for the movie. We dawdled around the mall before heading to Starbucks and chatting cordially.

Warm Bodies was a pretty funny, feel-good zombie rom-com and the actor playing R is drop-dead gorgeous haha. Both of us had a sudden revelation that R = Rome(o) and Julie = Juliet lol. Score. And I remembered she likes salty popcorn. Score again.

The movie ended around 11.10 and I walked her to her house and almost wanted to come in her house. Luckily I didn’t cos her mum came in 5 minutes later and an encounter with her would make for awkward conversation with both daughter and stranger.

Let’s hope today I can somehow carry myself better on my second date! ><