Signs One Is In Love

  • Every time someone mentions their name — even if you have no idea what they are talking about — your ears perk up and you immediately tune out whoever you’re listening to to eavesdrop on that conversation.
  • You have, at least once, wrote your name out as it would look if you were married. You were then overwhelmed with shame, and destroyed all evidence.
  • Any time you go out with someone else on a date or to a social event, you can’t stop thinking about how much better it would be if you were there with your crush.
  • Literally everything they do is attractive, and interested, and makes you like them more. They could probably commit first degree murder and you would forgive them after a few minutes of serious reflection.
  • You are constantly tortured with the uncertainty over whether or not they ever think of you, and are pretty certain they are not even aware of your existence.
  • You have saved a few choice photos off of their Facebook for… research purposes.
  • All of your friends roll their eyes and sigh semi-audibly when they hear that you are bringing up your crush yet again.
  • People have begun starting their conversations with you by stating “No, I haven’t seen or spoken to them since we last saw each other,” just to get it out of the way.
  • You have managed to discover their old MySpace and Photobucket from highly-focused search engine creeping.
  • You start to see every couple in TV, movies, or books as being a thinly-veiled representation of the two of you. Everyone from Romeo and Juliet to Noah and Allie to Lady and The Tramp are versions of yourselves.
  • Every song reminds you of them somehow, even songs that have absolutely nothing to do with love or dating.
  • You have said their name aloud during masturbation at least once, likely several dozen times. Okay, several dozen. Ish.
  • People know not to ask you if you’re seeing anyone because the response is only going to be a deep spiral of depression and longing which ends with taking shots of whipped cream out of the can while crying.
  • You alternate between daydreaming about how lovely the world is and how many amazing things could happen to you when you least expect it, and berating yourself over being such a failure in a world that was already ugly and painful to begin with.
  • You spend several hours extra getting ready — possibly even buying new clothes — when you know that there is a chance you might see them tonight.
  • When you end up not seeing them, you contemplate suicide.
  • There is no length you won’t go to to “accidentally” run into them, even taking a route which is nearly an hour out of your way to arrive somewhere at the same time.
  • You can’t focus on work, friends, or remembering to eat regularly.
  • Your friends have begun keeping you away from situations that involve large quantities of alcohol, because they’re tired of dealing with your tearful monologues when you have a little too much to rink.

Spot on. Nice post, Charlotte Green from TC.

An aside: A new cute theme for rest of the year (I hope!) with atypical allusions to the gluttony in me. It’s a slow day at work today. :

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